Giving Gifts to your American Hosts
One of the more commonly asked questions we get from our international friends is, "What's the best gift to give American hosts who (1) invite us for a meal or to stay overnight, or (2) who offer to take us somewhere?" With every culture being a bit different, if we were visiting your country it might be good for us to be asking this same question. Being here, coming from different cultures, the answer might surprise you. But we assure you it's pretty universal in America.
First, it's good to understand we're talking about two different occasions.
#1, being invited into a home (or perhaps dinner out); and #2, an offer to take you somewhere.
(It's also good to see these differences in cultures as part of a learning experience.)
In either case, Americans who invite you will not expect something given to them in return, it's not our way. Saying that, if driving a long distance is involved, offering to share gas is a nice gesture. They may say "No thanks" (they don't want to feel their getting paid), but they may also say, "Yes".
Bringing a gift when you first meet someone might catch them off-guard (by surprise). They will be polite about it; they might say, "Oh you didn't need to do that!" They will receive it greatfully, though it may feel a bit awkward... If you've given a gift on a first meeting, don't feel a need to give a gift again next time. Actually, if you expect to see them again, taking a gift the second time after you know them a bit better, rather than your first time meeting them, might be ideal.
Here is a way to think through this: In America we don't give gifts in this way, as an expected "thank you." (Different cultures have different ways of sharing the blessing of friendship. That said, we do often offer to contribute to whatever is happening in the shared time together. And we have our ways to show appreciation, of reflecting back on the time spent with great appreciation.
The big thing to remember is that if someone invites you, or offers a service of helps, they're doing it from their heart. They are giving a gift, freely given, expecting nothing in return! For them to receive another gift back can be awkward, as if being paid back in exchange for a gift we freely gave... a blessing from the heart. I hope this can make sense. We absolutely appreciate your intent -- a cultural thing -- but feeling the need to give a gift in exchange for receiving one is not the way Americans live.
OK, so how can you give a gift in a way that's well received and perhaps long-lasting?
To answer #2 (above) first, a heart-felt verbal "Thank you" from to the person helping you is the best thing... Actually, it's maybe the second-best! The best way to respond is to let them know how much it meant to you, and also indicate that you hope to see them again.
For #1 (above), if you're invited for a meal in their home, you have a few options:
* If you already know them well, these guidelines may vary. You might simply ask if you can bring... whatever (wine, French bread, fruit, something you cook yourself). Note, it's recommended to not show up with alcohal unless you know them well enough and you've asked. Even if they do drink wine, they may not care to serve it with the meal. You can still ask, they may say, "Yes." A popular alternative to wine or Champaign is Martinelli's Apple Cider (Martinelli's also sell mixed cider beverages and are usually well received by everyone.)
* A small bunch of flowers for the table are always a welcome treat, especially if it's with a family!
* You may be surprised, many Americans like tea, but not all. You might ask if they like tea, but do clarify clarify raw tea leaves or tea bags before thinking about this as a gift.
* Here's probably the most well-received gift you can give for most any special occasion: Send them an email afterwards... whatever it was you did with them. Even better, write a thank you card -- from your heart to their heart -- telling how much you appreciated being with them. This could also be a good "gift" toward someone who has gone out of their way to help you find something by driving you around, maybe more than once (#2 above).
If you are invited to spend a night in someone's home: Sometimes hosts simply don't know what to do when they receive physical gifts. If you've been there before and you know what fits in their home, that helps in choosing a gift.
Still, the greatest gift you can give, again, comes as your heart reflects on the time spent with them -- that's what shows true appreciation and they will treasure your written words much longer than anything else.
Here's a way to you might do this: In anticipation, find a nice card. It could be a simple 'Thank You' card. It could also be a blank card with a picture on the front, maybe of some place beautiful. While you're visiting, soak up all the love and caring they're pouring out on you. Then, maybe the next morning when you wake up, reflect on your time with them and write something personal to show your gratitude. They will cherish this far more than anything you could have given when they first opened the door to invite you in.
Sometimes we take students on weekend trips to the Sierra mountains and we stay with people they've never met. But, by the end of the weekend, friendships have been established which often last for years, even drawing the student back for future visits on their own.
Bottom line: Love, expressing gratitude from the heart, is the greatest gift anyone can receive. Appreciation is huge!
#1, being invited into a home (or perhaps dinner out); and #2, an offer to take you somewhere.
(It's also good to see these differences in cultures as part of a learning experience.)
In either case, Americans who invite you will not expect something given to them in return, it's not our way. Saying that, if driving a long distance is involved, offering to share gas is a nice gesture. They may say "No thanks" (they don't want to feel their getting paid), but they may also say, "Yes".
Bringing a gift when you first meet someone might catch them off-guard (by surprise). They will be polite about it; they might say, "Oh you didn't need to do that!" They will receive it greatfully, though it may feel a bit awkward... If you've given a gift on a first meeting, don't feel a need to give a gift again next time. Actually, if you expect to see them again, taking a gift the second time after you know them a bit better, rather than your first time meeting them, might be ideal.
Here is a way to think through this: In America we don't give gifts in this way, as an expected "thank you." (Different cultures have different ways of sharing the blessing of friendship. That said, we do often offer to contribute to whatever is happening in the shared time together. And we have our ways to show appreciation, of reflecting back on the time spent with great appreciation.
The big thing to remember is that if someone invites you, or offers a service of helps, they're doing it from their heart. They are giving a gift, freely given, expecting nothing in return! For them to receive another gift back can be awkward, as if being paid back in exchange for a gift we freely gave... a blessing from the heart. I hope this can make sense. We absolutely appreciate your intent -- a cultural thing -- but feeling the need to give a gift in exchange for receiving one is not the way Americans live.
OK, so how can you give a gift in a way that's well received and perhaps long-lasting?
To answer #2 (above) first, a heart-felt verbal "Thank you" from to the person helping you is the best thing... Actually, it's maybe the second-best! The best way to respond is to let them know how much it meant to you, and also indicate that you hope to see them again.
For #1 (above), if you're invited for a meal in their home, you have a few options:
* If you already know them well, these guidelines may vary. You might simply ask if you can bring... whatever (wine, French bread, fruit, something you cook yourself). Note, it's recommended to not show up with alcohal unless you know them well enough and you've asked. Even if they do drink wine, they may not care to serve it with the meal. You can still ask, they may say, "Yes." A popular alternative to wine or Champaign is Martinelli's Apple Cider (Martinelli's also sell mixed cider beverages and are usually well received by everyone.)
* A small bunch of flowers for the table are always a welcome treat, especially if it's with a family!
* You may be surprised, many Americans like tea, but not all. You might ask if they like tea, but do clarify clarify raw tea leaves or tea bags before thinking about this as a gift.
* Here's probably the most well-received gift you can give for most any special occasion: Send them an email afterwards... whatever it was you did with them. Even better, write a thank you card -- from your heart to their heart -- telling how much you appreciated being with them. This could also be a good "gift" toward someone who has gone out of their way to help you find something by driving you around, maybe more than once (#2 above).
If you are invited to spend a night in someone's home: Sometimes hosts simply don't know what to do when they receive physical gifts. If you've been there before and you know what fits in their home, that helps in choosing a gift.
Still, the greatest gift you can give, again, comes as your heart reflects on the time spent with them -- that's what shows true appreciation and they will treasure your written words much longer than anything else.
Here's a way to you might do this: In anticipation, find a nice card. It could be a simple 'Thank You' card. It could also be a blank card with a picture on the front, maybe of some place beautiful. While you're visiting, soak up all the love and caring they're pouring out on you. Then, maybe the next morning when you wake up, reflect on your time with them and write something personal to show your gratitude. They will cherish this far more than anything you could have given when they first opened the door to invite you in.
Sometimes we take students on weekend trips to the Sierra mountains and we stay with people they've never met. But, by the end of the weekend, friendships have been established which often last for years, even drawing the student back for future visits on their own.
Bottom line: Love, expressing gratitude from the heart, is the greatest gift anyone can receive. Appreciation is huge!